the guanocave

yay, it has been nigh-on a year since last I got off my arse and updated the site. ne'er mind. so what's been going on?

- TRANSDIMENSIONAL SUSHI! the lovely bbblood (formerly baron bum blood) and I have launched our own DIY label, offering tasty treats from the likes of MUTANT APE, ANOTHER ENOUGH CHAIRS and MOOSE VS CAR. we also released an ultra-nice 13-track compilation entitled WASABI FOR YOUR BRAINPIPE, with noisy and ingenious tracks from SPOONO, DROSS, MOSQUITO DEATH SQUADRON, TIGER PISS, BBBLOOD and more! it even includes an exlcusive guanoman tune. go to sample our delicious wares. you can also find us on the wretched myspace, .

- KAZAK! my collaborative project with dan from DROSS was completed a while ago, and a fine beastie it is too. a single 27-minute track wandering and lurching its way around various violent, metallic and rhythmically unwell avenues. recommended for fans of fantomas, ruins, crimson, dillinger, etc. hear some samples .

- occasional guanoman tracks have popped up here and there. 'the 15 deaths of monroe simmons' appeared on a free CD wth Hand Shandy magazine, and an exclusive track, 'gamelama-fa-fa-fa' can be found on the CATERPILLARS, HEAD SWELLS AND MIND MELTS compilation, put out by our brothers and sisters at NOST8MENT records, .

- oh, and I relocated too. if you are a noisy git and you live in glasgow and would like to make sweet, sweet music, then drop me a line.

I was but a mewling foetus when last this site had any fresh content. so what's new in guanoworld? for one thing, the site has a had a bit of a sprucing up. the overwhelming preponderance of purple had to go, as did the pointless front page. instead, it's high-contrast black and white all the way. oh yes. on the music front, I've been so busy over the last year or so that I haven't been arsed to update the site. so here's a quick recap:

loads of new solo tunes...'the 15 deaths of monroe simmons', 'kanashibari in D', 'I skinned richard harris and used him as a tent', 'byomu', 'sostenuto', 'randolph agar has 13 toes', 'beetle calcium', 'abulomsaft' and more.

PLUS, you lucky , lucky people, many many of the older tracks dating from 1999/2000 have now been unearthed. click the MUSiC link on the right for streaming and free mp3s. there have also been several collaborations...

with the mighty BARON BUM BLOOD! not only was there the split EP previously mentioned, but one of the tracks from that epoch-defining release is on the music page, and we're going to be releasing a very special compilation in the new year. stay tuned.

on the music page are remixes and collaborative tracks created with or inspired by DROSS, MANDIBLE, IKA, MR STRAUSS, THE MEN FROM SAN DIEGO and the living legend that is MISTER ROBERT DEVORE.

also in the works is a collaborative project with daniel from DROSS, which should be quite extraordinary...

finally, I've become a member of the PULORD gentlemen's club, featuring PILESAR, IKA, GHOUL DETAIL and BIG CATS. this is an online avant-noise collective making unsavoury goodness the like of which ye hath never heard. go, listen, .

so the baron and I just played our first-ever gig together at the fantastic club 85 in hitchin. 'twas a fine, fun-filled night, apart from breaking down on the M25 on the way home...

hugs, kisses and very physical thanks to everyone at club 85 for putting us on, especially neil the god of lighting and king bob.

so much news! yes, yes...it's been literally hours (thousands of them) since last any news was posted. that slackness shall cease as of now! first up, the long-overdue new guanoman album, thumbs & consonants, is now available. and it looks a little bit like THIS:

also, the similarly overdue baron bum blood/guanoman split EP, the worrying world of dear old colonel guanoblood, is also out, and it looks like THIS:

to buy either of these horrendously fabulous records, for just Ł3 plus postage, just e-mail me via the CONTACT tab and I shall make the necessary arrangements.

to mark the release of our split EP, the baron and I will be playing live at club 85 in hitchin on sunday 28th november. be there. buy CDs. and beer.

exciting news! a live appearance is imminent! well, sort of... guanoman will be playing (alongside the mighty baron bumblood) at club 85 in hitchin on sunday 28th november. blood will flow...

ok, so the new album, 'thumbs and consonants', is now finished. and a beautifully hideous thing it is too. when a release of whatever kind is imminent, I shall let you know. in the meantime, you can sample a few preview tracks by hitting the MUSIC tab and visiting my soundclick page.

it's possible that by the time of the next update I may even have redesigned this site to complement the album artwork. I'm sick of this purple crap.

first up, some tedious pragmatism. I've had to change the site where my mp3s are hosted, as IUMA has all but disintegrated. they're now in the care of the lovely people at soundclick. enough! onwards!

a new tune, 'spoke to yesterday', is available for download . given the slightly depressing month into which this tune was born, it's an '...uncharacteristically restrained and melodic work, with a vulnerable underbelly of white-hot rage' (practical parenting magazine). does this herald in a jaw-achingly mature period of sonorous, soul-searching balladry for everyone's least favourite bat-shit boy? does it 'eckers like. spectacularly unrefined acts of cacophony are on their way...here are the plans for guanoman's year of the monkey:

- a split EP with baron bumblood, the grand poobah of the UK noise underground. this will involve new tracks from the both of us, and reworkings of each other's golden oldies. this will be legendary, I guarantee it. 20 years from now your kids will be talking about this meeting of minds in reverential tones (especially if you happen to become impregnated by either myself or the baron. e-mail me if you're currently thinking of breeding). visit the baron

- a sneaky appearance on mrw44's 44 strings bass-centric compilation. bass players, so often the 'george the pink hippo' in the rock rainbow, have been spewing forth their solo efforts to mrw44 for a while now, and this project is shaping up to be a major work that will redefine the role of we four-string underdogs for ever! no one will mess with us now unless they went a peavey cab dropped on their sternum! bwah-ha-ha! visit mrw44

- there just might be some live appearances if I can figure out how this stuff would work live and find some people to help out. click the contact tab and offer your services.

my god…some news. who’d have thought it? but to those who may think I have been squatting at the back of my cave, whimpering and crying and sculpting homunculi resembling socrates from my own arsewax, I say NAY! I have not been idle. there’s a new track, ‘tini shirakashi’, and a particularly ancient curio of a tune, ‘macaque’, available for download , and I’ve been working on some other stuff which has yet to make itself known to you, my disloyal plebs. more news on this if and when I have the strength of will to write it.

I’m never less than evangelical when confronted with greatness, so I must instruct you to visit the house of stairs website and order your copies of foe’s debut album ‘arm yourself with clairvoyance’, and the foe/american heritage/art of burning water split. they are works of extraordinarily much goodness and your life really does depend upon owning them.

the latest emission from guanoman's under-carpet studio, 'bokonosolonoronach' (try saying that after an all-nighter in elspeth's atavistic absinthe emporium), is now available for absolutely NOWT on the music page . . .

while you're there, strap yourself in and have a listen to 'h'ronmeer conversion', a reinterpretation of the rather wondrous 'mister mars', by inspired sorcerer of tones and drones IKA. visit his site to check out the original and his remix of 'this was not combat' . and tell him guanoman says hello.

www,guanoman.co.uk is now ad-free! thanks to the good, good people at mrw44. visit the mrw44 site , and make sure you check out the likes of hex, guapo and giant tank.

finally, thanks to the acid mothers temple soul collective for laying waste to all creation at the spitz. if you missed it, discombobulate yourself with self-loathing.

at last . . . new tuneage! guanoman's latest (and nastiest) offering, happy hour at the morningstar lounge, is available via the MUSIC tab, along with a couple of old songs made newly available via the incredible magic of the worldsuperinterwidenethighweb.

"A pumpin' floor filler rammed with choice beats and circa-'92 piano breaks - bound to be a classic." - Muzik

"Absolutely awful. Dreadful, banal, full of the most turgid, dismal and utterly pedestrian allusions" - Tom Paulin, Newsnight Review

"Full of piss, vinegar and my knobbly club foot. Magic!" - East Midlands Arse Hobbies Digest

plus! coming soon . . . a free guanoman sampler CD for all you gits too idle to download stuff. watch this space.

Guanoman, this website and all music copyright Guanoman/Hazimba Publishing 1999-2005.